Give Thanks Day 1: The letter F

Give Thanks is a daily series of posts through November that chronicle what I’m thankful for. The format is a big deal on Facebook or something.

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I wonder what percentage of people would answer the question “what are you most thankful for” with “family”?

I would. But no one wants to read 1,000 words about why I adore the people I call family. So I started thinking about other things.

I am also thankful for my friends. My fat. My falafel.

All start with F.

F is a great letter.

Read about F’s super cool legit history here. But that’s not why I am thankful for it.

Besides being the most fun capital letter to write in cursive–followed closely behind by capital L and capital Q–F is the letter that makes magic happen.

I love how so many F words are the antithesis of another F word.

Fight —- Forgive

Friend — Foe

Fuck — Feel

Free — Fortune
Field — Freeway
Find —- Forget
Fantasize — Focus
Frank — Fake
Free — Forced
Fun — Fear
First — Final
Fail — Fly
Flail — Fly
FUPA —- Fit
Formidable — Feeble

Furthermore, F leads off some of the best words. Like furthermore. And fastidious. And ferocious. And fandango. And finagle.

Or maybe my interest in F-ing stems from how so many words that sound like they start with an F actually start with a Ph prefix. And most of those words, revealing their disloyalty to the phonetic guide from which they steal their first syllable’s sound, are the definitions for things that are bad, sweetly dumb, not sweetly dumb, disloyal, misleading or representations of something other than themselves:

Phony

Philandering

Phalic

Phase

Photo

Pharaoh

Phil Dunphy

…… Meanwhile, the hertz frequency for the F note is 698.46.

—–> 6 divided by 9 = .666666

—–> 8 divided by .4 = 20

—–> 20 divided by 6 = 3.33333

——> 3.3333 is half of 6.6666

Fractions, mothafucka!

F also seems to carry his burden in stride. The sixth letter of the alphabet, he picks up after his beefier cousin, E, who probably gets all the alphababes because of his sick third arm. E probably never thanks F for starting the word “five,” E’s number in the great alphabet lineup. E probably gets hammered at Thanksgiving dinner and smokes all of F’s cigarettes and vomits alphabet soup all over the floor of F’s Ford Focus.

Thanks, F, for all you do. We think E has some growing up to do, too, but we understand why you love him.

He is, after all, family.

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