This drink is featured on the intro of Episode 54 of A Feminist and A Comedian Walk Into a Bar podcast. This week we talk about sensitivity readers in the book publishing industry, marijuana legalization and political sartorial statements. Listen while you shop for your mocktail ingredients or, I don’t know, color organize your highlighters, ya beautiful nerd.
Behold the blackberry, nature’s littlest fanny pack, stuffed with nutritional benefits and fiber and Vitamin C.
But that’s not what we’re here for.
We’re here for the blackberries’ laidback fruit style. Here’s what I appreciate about a blackberry: It’s not trying to blow yer mind like the hyperactive raspberry or in constant Spring breaker mode like the partying but affable pineapple.
A blackberry is a fruit perfect for a winter day because its flavor is deep and it has a hue to match your psyche that’s getting gutted by the constant cold and sunless sky! The purple shade that appears after muddling a bunch of blackberries is less black cloud, more brickwork around a dreamy castle fire.
Mmm. Take me away, unrealistic expectations.
Drop 1/3 cup of blackberries into a bowl.
Add a few drops of vanilla (only a few drops or your mouth will taste like a candle dusted lightly in lint from the TJ Maxx checkout aisle); the juice of a half a lemon; a generous squeeze of honey; and a swig of club soda.
If you need exact measurements, you probably don’t need to be sober/ making a mocktail so gtfo.
Muddle all that shit with a spoon.
Remark on the word “muddle.” What a good word.
“Not shaken. Not stirred. Muddled. Like my orthodontics and sense of self, please.”
Strain the liquid and floaty fruit particles through a strainer, then a coffee filter, into a measuring cup.
Pour it over a rocks glass full of ice like the rockstar that you are.
Add more club soda until your glass is full.
Taste test. Did you fucking add too much vanilla? Stir in a little bit more juice o’ the lemon. She knows how to make the crazy too-much guy at the party take a walk to “chill” and also maybe get a ride home if you feel like it, OK?
Throw in some mint leaves because fancy.
Throw in a few more because you bought a whole damn pack and you’re drinking mocktails, which means you’re drinking for one, but you don’t want all these mint leaves to go to waste because you’ll feel bad about that later maybe and you can no longer turn to alcohol to hide your shame and distress over how terrible and wasteful all of the world is, including yourself!
Sip it while preparing to watch Kendrick Lamar play between the Alabama and Georgia football game tonight (here for the concert not the ball, y’all). I’m excited to see him perform live. His “Humble” video’s psyche-searing imagery paired with Kendrick’s indefatigable performance style gives me goosebumps every time and is one of my favorites from last year.
KENDRIiiiiiick! I loveyouuuuur muuuusiiic!