Now reading: Acts of Creation by Hettie Judah

I bought the book Acts of Creation: On Art & Motherhood about a month before my due date, hungry for some kind of map for the long, unpredictable years of living as both an artist and a mother. I needed someone to tell me the two could grow in the same soil without one starving the other.

Written in 2024 by British art critic and writer Hettie Judah, Acts of Creation began as part of Judah’s research and advocacy effort aimed at challenging the art world’s structural barriers to caregiving — a project awesomely titled “How Not to Exclude Artist Mothers (and other parents).” Judah dismantles the myth of the solitary genius by centering the experiences of artist-mothers across decades and disciplines, drawing on interviews, artist statements, and art history. The result is part manifesto, part oral history, part cultural critique — a book that documents both the sacrifices and the radical reimaginings that happen when artmaking and mothering are allowed to co-exist.

Through Acts of Creation, I was introduced to Mary Beth Edelson’s grotesque goddesses from the 1970s, all wild, unruly figures with snarling mouths, exaggerated limbs, and a refusal to be contained by beauty or decorum. In that space in time days away from giving birth, during which I needed a big pep talk because labor seems scary as hell, I read these collages as, “Fuck you. Look at my warrior vagina. I make life happen, bitch.”

Looking at Edelson’s creations in those last weeks before my due date felt like finding a talisman I didn’t know I needed. These ugly ass goddesses weren’t polite or afraid. They were feral, laughing, ready to split the sky. They reminded me of my body’s strength… that women have done this for centuries. My body, too, was unapologetically strong, strange, and in motion — a reminder that birth is about raw power, a force as old as earth itself. I carried their energy with me into labor, hoping their defiance and vitality could crowd out my fear.

The book spans a wide range of historical perspectives — from ancient cave markings to the use of wet nurses in earlier centuries to the experiences of transgender mothers navigating visibility and acceptance in the art world today. Judah’s profiles of motherhood in art throughout the centuries don’t offer easy blueprints, but they offer something better… proof that a creative life can stretch, bend, and survive the seismic shift of motherhood.

That’s exactly what I needed to read.

The cultural image of the artist as devoted creative monk persists. Door closed, air still, a single shaft of light hitting the desk like divine permission, holy with gravitas and purpose! Instead, Judah documents a different kind of studio — one with kids barging in mid-thought, an empty fridge that takes priority on the to do list, the hum of life bleeding into the work.

It’s not clean. It’s not silent. But it’s still rigorous, and it’s still art.

I also appreciated that Judah didn’t limit her scope to the experiences of mothers alone. She included work grappling with the anxieties of those decided not to have children, those still deciding, and those running out of time to decide.

In a recent sculpture by New York-based artist Lea Cetera, Judah writes, “the pink sands of time pour between twinned blown-glass models of the uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes. As the title reminds us — You Can’t Have It All (2022). Parenthood hangs in the balance of two timescales. The first is counted in hours — how competing demands of work and self-fulfillment might be balanced against demands of care. The second timescale counts the years of fertility — the dreaded ‘biological clock’ which must be held in consideration against economic variables, romantic status, and career progression.”

Seeing Cetera’s work contextualized alongside stories of artist-mothers made the whole spectrum of choice, circumstance, and longing feel more visible. It is a reminder that the creative life and the reproductive life are often tangled in the same knot of time and expectation.

One of the most provocative ideas to me that Judah explores in the book is the “monstrous child” — a cultural bogeyman used to frighten women away from ambition, as if any child born to an artist-mother will inevitably be neglected, malformed, or damaged by her divided attention. It’s a myth rooted in centuries of suspicion toward women who create for anyone other than their families, a story told to keep the studio door closed.

The “monstrous child” also haunts women who are undecided about having children, fending off thoughts that the wrong choice will devastate them in the future. It dogs those who are childless by circumstance, turning absence into something they must explain or justify without allowing much room for the grief. And it follows women determined to remain child-free, as if they must prove their work or themselves worthy in other ways.

In Acts of Creation, Judah gathers artists who reject or explore all versions of this script, showing instead how children can be collaborators, witnesses, and even catalysts in the creative process. The “monstrous child” is revealed as a projection of society’s own anxieties about women’s autonomy. Children and motherhood can, in fact, be beneficial to the artistic life.

That’s what I am loving most in this book so far… the way Judah frames motherhood not as the antagonist to art, but as a medium that shapes it. Time gets weird — elastic in some places, brittle in others. You learn to work with urgency but also to wait. You get attuned to tiny sensory shifts: the weight of a child’s hand, the fresh dew smell of 4 am, the sounds of a neighbor getting plates down for dinner drifting out of their windows. These experiences make their way into the work, even if it’s slow, and even if they’re removed later.

Acts of Creation makes a case — a real, unapologetic case — for the joy of being a mother, and how that joy can stretch and deepen an artist’s vision. I had longed for Alice with my whole being, and even knowing how much I wanted her, I braced myself mostly for loss… of time, of focus, of money, of the version of myself that had full claim to my days. And yes, it is difficult to juggle it all and I have lost all of those things. My art and writing have taken a back seat for now, the pace slower, the projects fewer.

But oh, what I have gained! I’m discovering that motherhood is primarily an expansion. My world has opened into new textures and layers, my sight sharpened to details I might have otherwise missed, my understanding of human experience complicated and stretched. That shift feels like it’s already reshaping the work I will make next.

Judah names the invisible… projects abandoned mid-stream. Half-finished canvases stacked in my basement. My novel manuscript still sitting on my desktop unopened for longer than five minutes at a time. The voice memos whispered into a phone in the grocery store parking lot while Alice sleeps in the back. None of these creations “count” in the official sense. But they’re the soil under what will one day be finished pieces.

I know I will finish my work one day because of Alice, not in spite of her.

Motherhood is the same as art making in that it is a practice of holding contradictions without forcing them to fit.

I’m still making my way through Acts of Creation, reading in the same stop-and-start rhythm I make art and write these days. A few pages here, a layer of paint there while baby naps or when I’m on my morning coffee break. I love books like this — ones that make me want to take my time. It’s worth lingering over, letting its ideas filter in between the rest of life. This book reminds me that the art doesn’t have to wait for silence. It can happen right here, with the door open, the air thick with noise, the work humming along in the midst of it all.

The pendulum swinging between concealment and celebration of artist-mothers during the 20th century still feels relevant today. Some felt they had to hide their children entirely to be taken seriously, tucking away any sign of domestic life so their work wouldn’t be dismissed as “mere” mother’s art. Others found moments when motherhood itself was celebrated, framed as proof of depth or authenticity. Reading these histories, I felt the echo of that divide — the defensiveness that can simmer between mothers and non-mothers in creative spaces, each group wary of how the other’s choices might be judged or romanticized. It’s a tension worth naming, if only so we can imagine something less polarized.

The experience of the mother-artist — with its complexity, interruptions, and unexpected expansions — is robust and alive with possibility. It deserves to be looked at closely, told in full, and explored again and again, not as an exception to the artist’s life but as a vital form of it.

***

Studio Notes: Painting, power, & paper dolls

I’ve been up in my attic tinkering away on Promising Mad Woman, a series of paintings in progress — ten works in total, six completed, four underway — that examine fictional women on the brink of being labeled “mad.” These figures, faceless and stylized as paper dolls, inhabit the threshold between power and disposability, selfhood and spectacle.

I’ve been obsessed with painting these gals the last year. Each work starts with a highly intentional color field — a single, saturated background that acts as emotional atmosphere and formal anchor. Over this, I construct the doll figure using acrylic paint, layered textures, and select applications of stitched thread and textile-inspired motifs.

At the heart of this series is a question of acceptability. By painting these dolls at scale, in lush or acidic color fields, I’m reframing materials and imagery long associated with domesticity and so-called low craft. The paper doll, once a tool of gender training and fantasy, becomes an object of confrontation and inquiry. The figures are flattened, stylized.

I love when they look grotesque (no face, no jaw, etc.). The brushwork is assertive, and the heavy body paint surprisingly handles contradiction well: softness meets sharp edges, precision meets disruption, black outlines act as fence holding the doll back *and* a fortress she’s using to keep herself in tact. 

I want each painting to feel like it’s holding something just under the surface. A tension that resists tidy conclusions.

***

Color is a structuring force in Promising Mad Woman. The backgrounds are fields of pressure. Drawing on the visual language of pop art, I use vivid color to grab your attention and keep it there. These fields frame the dolls in heightened psychological space. They vibrate with emotional contradiction. Seductive but unresolved.

This use of color serves a dual purpose. It makes the work visually immediate while complicating its interpretability. Like the figures themselves, the color is too much in a way that has historically been gendered: Too loud, too bright to be serious. That, too, is the point. I want to place things which are easily dismissed — flowers, fashion, beauty, dolls, women, excessive color, quilting, craft — at the center of the canvas. And dare to take them seriously.

The paper doll format is both visual and conceptual. I first got into this idea when I saw these old paper doll books at my friend Sarah’s apartment. They were captivating, and I wanted to paint them immediately. Paper dolls reflect the historic treatment of women’s identities as interchangeable and ornamental, a dynamic reinforced through design, fashion, and domestic imagery. At the same time, I love design, fashion, domestic imagery. Being a girly girl is fucking cool. It can also be restrictive. The way paper dolls hold all that tension in one dimension is so interesting to me.

In Promising Mad Woman, the dolls refuse to perform. Their facelessness is a balance of loss and refusal of singular authorship, of easy empathy.

***

Each painting is named for a character — fictional, literary, mythic — whose story flirts with the trope of the “madwoman.” Characters like Marguerite (Camille), Makarie (Wilhelm Meister’s Travels), Brandy (from the Looking Glass song you hear on every classic rock channel ad nauseam), and Callisto (Metamorphoses) all exemplify the cultural suspicion of women who deviate from expected roles. As Sandra Gilbert and Susan Gubar write in The Madwoman in the Attic, in their analysis of the Angel of the House, “to be selfless is not only to be noble, it is to be dead.” I want to live my life in a way that redefines what selflessness looks like — on my terms. That’s what this work is helping me explore.

***

The series will (fingers crossed!!!) be completed by the end of the year. My goal is for the ten paintings to be shown together as a single body of work. Their impact is cumulative. Seen individually, each doll suggests a narrative. Seen collectively, they become a haunting chorus of resistance and controlled chaos. The power is in their gathering.

This is a series about how the aesthetics of femininity and “women’s art” have been both celebrated and used to silence.

It is modern woman’s work to find your own interpretation among all that.

A quick and dirty year in review: 2024

Everyone’s doing those sweet look-backs on social media. Here’s mine.

I got knocked up! Yay! Baby’s due January 2025 (aka any day now… gulp).

Morning sickness really took root while we were in Washington D.C. to do some research at the Library of Congress. Did you know you can do that?! It’s the People’s Library after all. You even get a library card, which is a way cooler souvenir than anything I bought there.

Being pregnant meant I spent a lot of time at home. Not that I was complaining. I think 2024 could basically be called my Year of Nesting… with two cute kitties.

And, while at home feeling baby-nauseous, I painted a bunch of stuff, exploring new ideas that I think will coalesce into something more delicious eventually… 

Doug and I got engaged on Christmas. <3

Back when we dated in college, Doug took me on a surprise visit to a neighboring village to walk around and check out the Christmas lights. I’ve always remembered this gesture because:

1) I picked a fight because I thought loving Christmas was kind of lame and I didn’t want to be any kinds of lame, but in the 15-ish years that passed since then, I would sometimes think back on how he recognized this fact about me (loving Christmas) even though I tried to hide it. I regretted picking that fight… and so many others we had simply because it was 2007/2008 and we were 20/21-year-old kids.

2) Doug biffed it on the icy sidewalk because he was wearing cowboy boots. What can I say, we were both stupid in so many ways back then. 

That we found each other again—with more mature hearts, minds, and shoe selections—will forever feel like a miracle to me.

I said yes.

New chapbook recommendation

Hooray! My dear friend Jaclyn, who just happens to also be a super talented writer (and excellent poser for my silly little photographs):

… has a new chapbook of poems out, published by Dancing Girl Press in Chicago. I would recommend you read her work regardless, but this chapbook, titled “The Men I Never:” is extra special to me… because I got to design the cover!

This is Erato, one of the nine Greek muses and the patron of lyric and erotic poetry or hymns.

And listen, no one does sexy, weird, lyric poetry quite like Jaclyn. I love this book.

Check it out? Contact Jaclyn to order a copy and be sure to explore the rest of her work!

Just for fun, here were some of the outtakes as we worked together to finalize the cover concept:

Pretty in purple


Come home soon.

// || // || // || // || // || // ||

“Under the Lilacs” by Jackie Mantey // Original image info: Russell Lee, 1941, “Old brown stonehouses, Chicago.”

  • Embroidery floss on photo paper
  • Comes in white picture mat with bevel-cut core
  • 11 inches x 14 inches in mat

New watercolor works!


One watercolor painting = two cool new things 💧💧

BLUEBERRY FLAMINGO


APRICOT HONEY


CHARCOAL FOG


GRAPE SODA


PEONY ICE


CROCODILE PEACH


MINT SKY


MAGENTA RUST


BUBBLEGUM WINE


WISTERIA MINT


GREEN TEA PICNIC I & II


ROGUE BLUSH


ORCHID RAIN


PEACOCK SMOKE



May the flower crowns be with you


This guy is from Augustus Sherman’s collection of Ellis Island portraits. The photo is dated 1906. He’s listed simply as “Romanian shepherd.” 

I looked up the May Day celebrations and rituals of Romania (nearly every country’s got some), and this apotropaic one charmed me:

“The entries to the animals’ shelters are adorned with green branches. All branches are left in place until the wheat harvest when they are used in the fire which will bake the first bread from the new wheat.”

To be clear, the fire is to bake the bread. 

Definitely only the bread. 

Definitely not the sad American co-ed’s bad boyfriend dressed in a bear suit. 

Midsommar’s ending explained by Screenrant

ONLY. THE. BREAD.


Women Getting Coffee for Themselves


A new collection of art mugs has arrived straight from my brain to your lips! YUM!

  • Ceramic 11-ounce mug with black rim, handle, and inside
  • White outside printed with collage design art by meeeeee
  • Dishwasher and microwave safe
  • $20 (that includes taxes, and shipping is always free xoxo)
  •  Bottomless refills*

* (of cool, not coffee)


Al Fresco


Strong Pour


Coffee Forever


Cheer Cafe


From the Saucer


Breakfast Time


Coffee Table


Introducing the Peekaboo Collection


The journals your mother warned you about!

  • Spiral notebook with printed front and back cover of a mixed media collage
  • Metal wire-o binding
  • Soft-touch coating cover
  • 5 inches x 8.5 inches, 140 dotted pages
  • Sourced from the U.S.
  • $20
  • Sexy and cuuuuuute

Hair

Sweet dreams.

Swingers

That’s kid stuff.

Newlyweds

Gimme a ring.

Fur

A perfect angel.

Cat Lady

Meow!

Sisters

It’s only natural.

Legs

Squats! Squats! Squats! Squats! Squats! Squats!

Bedtime

Saved you a spot.

Mirror

Who’s the smartest of them all?