My strategy for conquering my long ass list of 2018 goals

Today begins 2018. Hello! Yay! I hope your headache wears off soon and you get to eat nachos in bed and watch Netflix! (Might I recommend the new Dave Chappelle specials? Controversial, yes, but those headlines aren’t doing it justice. Perhaps we may all dig deeper this year? You’ll notice the beginning of a theme here.)

I love New Year’s Day. It’s an overachiever’s dream holiday. “You mean, we get to be applauded for our outrageous efforts to do/ achieve/ improve/ get better at whatever it is we dream? We get to spend the whole day setting up lists and spreadsheets and myriad assortment of other technological trackers designed for successfully marking things off our to-do lists?”

Yasss, bitch! You’re scratching me right where my neuroses itch. Get. Shit. Done.

Via a Google search for “overachiever problems.”

I’m very aware of the pros and cons of being a “trophy hunter,” as Justin calls me. He and I are complete opposites in this area of our lives, so his c’est la vie attitude is very helpful for me when I need to remember the little things matter most and, well, chill the fuck out.

This year, I’m committed to finding a balance between the two. I don’t want to completely give up my go-get-em mentality, but I don’t want it to push me to extremes anymore either–or, more specifically, I don’t want it to push me to extremes on paths that I don’t give a shit about. Do you know what I mean? When you end up *nailing* the 200-word freelance assignment because you spent six hours on it instead of spending a sane and appropriate three hours and channelling your other two hours into researching for a creative essay you want to write.

There’s gotta be somewhere to rest in the middle, right? Somewhere that I can focus my extremes into achieving my ultimate, singular, soul-igniting goal?

Via a Pinterest search for “overachievers get shit done.”

Well, I think I’ve found a solution. This will be the year in which I attempt the impossible for my extreme perfectionist brain: Consistency.

Here’s an excerpt from my Best Self Co. journal workbook that explains why this works/ why I’m putting faith into trying consistency over achievement:

“If you want to crush your goals and reach greatness, you must focus on consistent and long-term personal performance.

In the book Great By Choice, author Jim Collins shares the story of two explorers, Amundsen and Scott, who each led separate teams on an expedition race to the South Pole in 1911. The journey there and back was roughly 1,400 miles, which is equivalent to a round-trip from NYC to Chicago.

While both teams would travel the same distance through extremely harsh weather conditions, each took an entirely different approach to the journey.”

OK PAY ATTENTION THIS IS WHERE THE GOLD CAN BE MINED:

“Scott’s strategy was to walk as far as possible on the good weather days and then rest up on the bad days to conserve energy. Conversely, Amundsen’s team adhered to a strict regimen of consistent progress by walking 20 miles every day–no matter what the weather. On good days, Amundsen’s team was very capable of walking further, but Amundsen was adamant they walk no more than 20 miles–to conserve their energy.

WHICH TEAM SUCCEEDED? YOU SHOULD KNOW THE ANSWER BY NOW BUT STAY WITH ME:

“It was Amundsen’s because they took consistent action. And this same principle will be true for your goals.”

We are what repeatedly do, which, like, I know. But this anecdote clicked that knowledge into place somehow. It offers some relief: If I dedicate an hour a day, for example, to writing for my book, or promise to run one mile, and only one mile, every three days at the gym, I take the decision making out of it. It becomes a habit. And, I can’t push my work or goals off to a day when “I feel like it” and then, when I finally “feel like it,” feel overwhelmed by the 48 hours of work and 10 miles I expect from myself in one day.

Patience. Restraint. Courage. That’s what’s going to get me across the finish line. These are skills I haven’t cultivated in my past–and haven’t really needed to. But not knowing how to be truly patient with myself and others and situations has proven a detriment exacerbated by my trophy hunting perfectionism.

It’s probably affected you too, this fast-paced immediacy and expectation of comfort. I think we could all benefit from taking a step back, reading the whole article, watching the special, getting our hot take from something more thoughtful than a tweet, seeking out the facts, embracing the nuance intrinsic in waiting, letting others have opinions different from our own.

See also: We won’t elect a new, non-idiotic president until 2020.

So buckle up, loves. The life you’ll be changing this year is your own–and if you do it right, you’ll do it in a way that the change lasts for years to come.

Happy New Year!

You. Me. America.

Six things I’m loving this month

A new email newsletter

If you’re interested in gender, sexuality, choice and human rights news, sign up for The #MeToo Moment, a new email newsletter produced by The New York Times. It curates stories on these subjects into a streamlined list of reports and has additional content that’s both informative and interesting.

The short story “Cat Person” in The New Yorker

Of course. Of course! The first short fiction story in New Yorker history to go Internet viral is about cats. It’s also about consent, dating, hooking up and connecting with another human during a cultural paradigm shift. Read it or listen to the author read it here!

New music

“Soul of a Woman” is the posthumous Sharon Jones album with her band The Dap-Kings. Listen to all of it. Dance. Swoon. Cry that she’s gone. Smile that she lived. Repeat.

Pharrell is a genius. Like, greatest musician of our time. His band’s new album, “No One Ever Really Dies,” isn’t their best but it’s still great, because Pharrell. This song, “Don’t Don’t Do It,”  is my favorite. Deceptively catchy, complete with a banging Kendrick Lamar verse, its hyped up beat belies the song’s infuriating subject matter: police brutality.

Beauty despite chaos. Respite despite rage.

Only Sufjan Stevens could write a song that humanizes Tonya Harding. So he did.

Hey also, if you haven’t watched the “30 For 30” about Tonya Harding–which reminded me Tonya Harding has a story that’s worth humanizing in the first place–do it on your holiday break.

 

@memorialstitches

Witchy embroidery art

My work on Mildly Depressed has made me a fangirl of embroidery art of all kinds. I love seeing the varied ways people take on this timeless craft. Mid-rabbit hole search on Instagram, I found these two artists, @memorialstitches and @adipocere, and I want all of their pieces. Not only does their aesthetic look punk rock cool, I dig the symbolism of reinterpreting the disreputable legacy of woman-as-witch through a skillset traditionally reserved for “nice women.” Also, men doing cross stitch and embroidery = awesome. Creative mediums shouldn’t be gendered spaces.

@adipocere

Soviet Art Put To The Test at Art Institute Chicago, through Jan. 15

Trying to decide what museum membership to gift myself for Christmas so I can feel motivated to do cultured things next year and also deduct on my taxes before the new tax bill gets rid of such wonderful things

I think I’ll be going with the Art Institute of Chicago. Maybe the symphony?

“Thoughts While Attending the First Symphony in the Series My Wife Wanted to Buy” performed by Jim Gaffigan

Before

After

Smile Direct Club

This is my last month of wearing invisible aligners from Smile Direct Club! These were my 31st birthday present to myself. I never wore my braces properly (sorry, Mom) and my teeth were shifting something fierce. What sold me on them was that they were nearly 70% cheaper than Invisalign AND I only had to do one appointment for the whole experience. The rest of the time, my aligners were mailed to me. At my first–and only–visit to their offices, I received a wand scan that sent photos of my mouth to their labs somewhere magical. They then formed a plan for moving my teeth slowly each month. At the beginning of each month, they’d mail me three sets of braces. Two sets I wore for one week each, and the last set I wore for two weeks.

I’m so happy with the results. The complaints that this genius company gets dinged for in online reviews are true: The aligners can cut into your gums and can be painful, but I would just trim mine with the kind scissors I use to cut my bangs (really) and then softened the plastic with the nail file they provide (yes, really); also, they haven’t gotten down the timing of mailing these things yet. I think they get backed up with orders because they’re growing so quickly. That said, every time I called customer service to complain about aligners that were delivered a few weeks late, they’d give me money back. They also gave me free retainers (around $100). So, total, my new smile only cost me about a grand. Worth every penny. 🙂

My list of books to read this month

“Lincoln in the Bardo”

By George Saunders

After Abraham Lincoln’s son died, the president reportedly went back to the Bardo (tomb) to literally feel his loss in his arms. Yeah. He was so full of grief he hugged the boy’s dead body on several occasions. Allegedly. Saunders turns this tale into an incredibly creative ghost story like you’ve never experienced. Really. I’ve never read anything like this.

“Desert Solitaire”

By Edward Abbey

I picked this up for our roadtrip through the west, which included a drive through Abbey’s beloved and now besmirched Utah desert. I love his cantankerous outlook. It feels oppressively appropriate considering how disrespectfully we continue to treat our land (hello, Mr. President) despite protestations by scientists like Abbey.

“Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body”

By Roxane Gay

This came out in spring and it finally came through via my library hold request. Roxane Gay’s honest stories about her body feel at once entirely her own and completely universal. Finger snaps.

“The H-Spot: The Feminist Pursuit of Happiness”

By Jill Filipovich

This is another feminist text from this year I’ve been meaning to read for months. It wasn’t until I started reading it that I remembered that the line “the pursuit of happiness” comes directly from a Declaration of Independence. My — and everyone else’s — distraction from this fact is exactly why Filipovich wrote this book. How would we all benefit if we made laws and policy based on what made people — especially women who were historically disenfranchised — happy?

“Dubliners”

By James Joyce

Have you ever not read a book because someone who hurt you loved it? For shame! Also: Same. A college ex of mine loooooved “Dubliners,” thus, I promptly pushed my desire to read it to the back of my brain after we broke up. After recently reading in a writing textbook one of the short stories from JJ’s greatest hit. I decided to pick this up and let that shit go. I found this cool Centennial version on Amazon.

Words on the Street: December 7, 2017 + Roadtrip Edition!

These downtown Chicago sidewalks expressed my mood perfectly on the gray gross day.

 

Absolutely I will.

Sugar.

Cards Against Humanity headquarters’ bathroom. Gender neutral, of course. 🙂

Indeed.

The Grouch must loathe this guy.

Got my nails done at a salon called The Cat’s Meow before our two-week roadtrip out west. I tipped in cash.

While I waited, I read this Georgia O’Keeffe fun fact and realized only someone who becomes famous making beautiful paintings as metaphors for vaginas can walk around the desert in a kimono-like coat and actually pull it off.

Our first stop was Lawrence, Kansas; second stop was Denver. We bought a joint. Legally.

We saw many signs politely telling stupid tourists to stop being so stupid.

An apple a day keeps the rabid diarrhea away. Theater bathroom in Austin.

Roots like mountains. Dive bar in Kansas.

But he HATES parentheses! Wal-Mart in Texas.

Just in case you missed it, we’ll tint your windows. New Mexico.

One of several hybrid names for cities along state lines that we saw. My other favorite: Kanorado. (Kansas + Colorado)

Denny’s mug. In Utah? Somewhere like that.

Another diner. This one called Banjo’s. Perfect for a short story set in Kansas.

 

No MSG. No aspartame. Food truck in San Antonio.

No MSG. No aspartame. Gift shop in Chicago.

This is in front of a shuttered and dilapidated storefront in our neighborhood. How I long to know what this lounge was like!

Top quality. Lotta sap. Happy holidays!

Free travel meditations to bookmark before your next trip

Isn’t this photo incredible? It’s from our recent roadtrip to Vegas and back. This is at Red Rock Canyon Nevada. We rented a convertible to take the “scenic drive” that winds through this brilliant, accidental mashing of plates and ended up there at sunset. I cried.

Not all our driving was so smooth though. Have you tried taking a speeding bullet down a Rocky Mountain in the middle of the night? I cried then also. But for totally different reasons.

As I embark on yet another trip–a flight this time, which is loaded with its own special brand of travel anxiety mostly rooted in my lack of control over timing and metal tin can speeding bullet–I pulled up these meditations I used on our roadtrip. Thought I’d share.

Key idea: The timing in your life is perfect. You’re exactly where you need to be.

Read: It’s OK if you don’t have everything done yet. You’re exactly when you you need to be.

Read: Yes, crying again.

You are safe. Where you are headed you will arrive right on time.

Don’t tell off the TSA agent.

Don’t tell off the TSA agent.

Don’t tell off the TSA agent.

I mean, how wonderful that you even have the opportunity and luxury to travel so fast in the first place? Even if your seat is right by the plane’s pooper. I can find something new and worthwhile in this experience.

Words on the Street: November 9, 2017

Soda would be such a good last name for a short story character.

There he is… Don Soda

“I give this place a five star.” I’d like to change my vote to “Children.”

This was before their torrid love affair became public and the project’s funding ended.

I have so many good bathroom art pics in this series, but this is the most interesting thing in my office building bathroom. AKA Damp hands mean sick days mean 14-hour days trying to catch up. Wash your hands, you sick fuck!

What is the difference between a yard sale and a rummage sale? I want to attend the one most likely to sell Don Soda’s socks.

My list of books to read this month

“The Rules of Magic”

By Alice Hoffman

I know nothing about this book other than that I’ve seen several trusted readers raving about it. Let’s hope it’s, well, magic.

“Manhattan Beach”

By Jennifer Egan

Spoiler: I already almost-finished this one and have some… thoughts. I was hooked until 3/4 of the way through when she switches to a new character and I checked out harder and faster than I ever have reading a book! The Goodread reviews confirm I wasn’t alone in thinking this. Egan’s writing is exquisite and she’s definitely a must-read. Just check this one out from the library before you buy.

“My Favorite Thing is Monsters”

By Emil Ferris

I loved listening to Emil Ferris talk about her work at the Chicago Humanities Festival. The Chicago book community has been buzzing about her graphic novel, set in Uptown, for some time. I’m excited to finally read it and get lost in its illustrations.

“Bad Feminist” by Roxane Gay

“Once I was Cool” by Megan Stielstra

These writers’ essays are like old friends. It’s cold and I need them again.

Six things I’m loving this month

Edgar Allan Poe

I copped a book of Poe’s spookiest stories from my family’s dusty bookshelf a few years ago. I was attracted to its crazy weird illustrations and only recently started reading its even crazier, weirder stories. So fucked up and perfectly delightful this time of year.

Imagine my continued delight, then, when PBS posted its newest episode of American Masters to my Roku box.

“Buried Alive” looks at Poe’s troubled life, his messed up attraction to a 13-year-old cousin, his unwavering criticism of American literature which turned out to be the boost it needed to truly establish itself, his development of the detective trope that’s so familiar to us today, his alcoholism, his work ethic, his mysterious death… Spooooooky…

Andrew Wyeth artwork

Ugh. Chicago has been gray and overcast for weeks. It’s so depressing. Thus, my newfound attraction to Andrew Wyeth paintings.

A 20th century realist, Wyeth’s work shows, with deft minimalism, the gray scenes of life that are somehow optimistic in their acceptance of #thestruggleisreal.

 

See also: Otto Dix

Maybe all that Poe and the, shall we say, stressful state of things in this country socially, has me drawn to images of the grotesque. This “Portrait of the Journalist Sylvia von Harden,” painted by the Expressionist Otto Dix in 1926, had me double take when I scrolled past it on Pinterest. I love the arresting colors, her war-worn face, her distracting fingers (that’s so Dix!), her Germanness, her “new woman”ness, her uglyness, her Bubikof (watch below), her drooping panty hose. Not to mention that color.
Learn more about her (spoiler: not actually a journalist, despite the title).

Sincere Engineer and the Girl Punk Spotify playlist

Sincere Engineer is the band name of Deanna Belos, a Chicago musician who just released “Rhombitian” in October. Clashing and dark, but vibrant too. I love it. Check it out on Spotify. She’s performing Nov. 10 at Township Chicago to celebrate the album’s release. Throw ‘bows with you there?

Sincere Engineer’s sound has made me hungry for more savage punk girls. Enter: Girl Punk playlist on Spotify. Best Coast, Punch, Trash Kit, Whore Paint, Cyndi and Sinead, just to name a few. Thank you to whomever put that shit together. You’ve been keeping me sane in this Chicago fall fog.

GlitterMoneyyy

Also obsessed with the new album “Twurk for the Nation” by Chicago rappers GlitterMoneyyy. I saw these two perform at The Shithole and laughed my ass off.

No fucks are given as they skewer social commentary with a dildo. XOXOXOxoxoxoxoxoxOXOXXo. Do yourself a favor and listen to “Validate Me.” Or all of it, really.

 

Watching this Russian probe unfold

More terrifying than Poe. More dark than Wyeth. More gut-wrenching than a punk scream. Learning how much the world has changed when we weren’t even paying attention is a 21st century American horror story. It’s. Fascinating.

On this week’s Episode 47 of FemComPod, Justin and I disagree about the conclusion of the Atlantic article below but don’t disagree on how interesting the findings in it are. Listen to the article and then watch a live recording of the podcast below. Welcome to the brave new media world.

 

Three artist documentaries to watch this weekend

As the cold weather settles into your bones, settle in with these newfound documentaries about or by women who unlocked their voice and never apologized for it–despite the bouts of crippling creative doubt.

“Joan Didion: The Center Will Not Hold” on Netflix

“The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self respect springs.” Joan Bad Bitch Didion

I’m obsessed with Joan Didion’s essays, and this documentary by her nephew Griffin Dunne explores her work, heartache and cult-like following, of which I am a book-carrying member. It debuted on Netflix streaming last week.

“Eva Hesse” on Netflix

“Ennead” by Eva Hesse, 1966. Acrylic, papier-mâché, plastic, plywood, and string.
Untitled by Eva Hesse, 1969-1970. Latex, rope, string and wire.
Eva, painting.

With a life cut short by brain cancer at 34, Eva Hesse’s mark on the postwar art world was nothing short of miraculous. Her abstract and humanistic paintings and sculptures are still relevant today, as is her wise-beyond-its-years self-mastery in a male dominated field rife with land mines. I was particularly stunned at her Jewish family’s devastating story of their escape from Germany when she was just a child–and the effect this traumatizing experience had on the rest of her life. This documentary further proves her rightful place in art and American history.

“Streetwise” by Mary Ellen Mark on YouTube

A friend of mine recently posted this find on Facebook. I knew the name Mary Ellen Mark sounded familiar, and of course, she’s the photographer who took that famously jarring black and white photo of the little girl smoking in a kiddie pool. The rest of Mary Ellen’s work is just like that — difficult to see, devastating, beautiful, a snapshot of the poor, forgotten and frustrating in a modern age. This 1988 documentary by Mary Ellen (soundtrack by Tom Waits!) follows homeless foster kids, teenagers and runaways who live on the streets. Their lives are crushingly sad, but Mary Ellen deftly balanced keeping their dignity and struggle for self worth and pride, ever present. Even as they sold drugs, turned tricks as teens and fought to stay alive. Innocence corrupted. Adult cruelty. Life captured. Violence, cycling. Heavy.

 

Words on the Street: November 2, 2017

Wishful thinking. Though I love the #faceinplaces Easter egg in no_one.

More wishful thinking. Though I, too, want to live in that world.

More more.

Author and illustrator Emil Ferris at the Chicago Humanities Festival. Super pumped to read her graphic novel “My Favorite Thing is Monsters.” Some of my favorite Emil quotes from her appearance:

On Chicago “There are a lot of survivors here.”

On whether she’s a political artist “I don’t know that anybody isn’t a political artist.”

On writing fiction “You can propose ways to solve everything in fiction. So why not?”

On being an unorganized artist “Everything goes to hell regularly. … I’m an Italian driver as an artist.”

On getting older “That’s the great thing about being old. You’re ornery. And you feel gratitude for everything.”

Thank you for your work/ being your ornery self, Emil!