If “Ironic” was written now

Isn’t it ironic… you won’t watch a movie because it “takes too much time and feels like such an investment” but will instead binge five straight hours of a TV show.

Isn’t it ironic… your health insurance sends mail confirming your new address — to your old address.

Isn’t it ironic… the (white) guy on your Facebook feed angry that (black) musicians who sample music “are stealing” is also is an uncompromising fan of Elvis Presley.

Isn’t it ironic… the original definition of ironic is mostly obsolete and now subjective depending on whether or not you like Alanis Morissette. See also: colluding, meddling, presidential, Dave Coulier.

Isn’t it ironic… you’re in a dead zone and can’t live stream your wedding day.

Isn’t it ironic… you meet the man of your dreams. Then meet his three polyamorous girlfriends.

Isn’t it ironic… saying “take a seat” to someone who was probably definitely sitting down when typing their wry, reactive Facebook comment that set you off so completely.

Isn’t it ironic… Rainforest Café serves a lot of food that contributes to the destruction of rainforests.

Isn’t it ironic… you can’t do anything without hurting someone or something somewhere probably definitely.

Isn’t it ironic… ten thousand spoons when all you need is an Android-compatible charger.

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